Friday Fictioneers – Valentine

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This is my entry to Rochelle’s wonderful Friday Fictioneers this week. Click the button to find out more and read some great flash fiction!

friday-fictioneers

Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy

Four Years single, Nancy schemed to find the best way to avoid the mush. Now she was a girlfriend. Ironic. George was understanding of her plan.

She flew out to the Island the next day. Nancy decided she needed to mark the occasion by doing something spectacular. She followed the tourist trail to the dormant volcano.

It was an amazing experience! Despite the worrying notices stating potential eruption!

Claiming her certificate she felt great, alone but not lonely. She couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel to email George. This was one Valentine she’d always remember! The Volcano one!

 

20 responses »

    • The mush – mushy valentine’s things that singletons have to put up with – hearts in shops, pubs and restaurants filled with couples etc. – my 1st draft was 159 words and I edited down this beginning several times – I over slashed and ended up with just 82 words and had to build the flash back up from there.

      • I know what you mean I wrote one the other day that started at 400 words. But I have found the editing process something I enjoy. I suppose as I do a lot of it in my job i apply the same rules to flash fiction, basically is it saying what the task wants and get rid of anything superfluous. Which means I had 300 superfluous words the other day…….maybe they will be handy for another story.

      • Yes – it is always worth keeping the other versions. I wish I had left some mention of Valentine’s in the introduction, hadn’t realised I edited that vital information out until you raised confusion.

    • I agree, Denmother. Neens, one thing you could do to make it less chopping is combine some of the sentences. For instance, instead of “It was an amazing experience! Despite the worrying notices stating potential eruption!”, you could say, “Despite the warning notices of potential eruptions, it was an amazing experience!” The flow is much smoother that way.

      janet

    • Glad you liked the idea. I don’t mind your comments at all – every writer needs to grow and how can we if we don’t learn or take criticism on board. I think it was the editing that destroyed the original flash (159) words.

  1. Hubby and I visited a Mt. Haleakalā, a dormant volcano. It was cold up there!
    I like how you charactor was supported by her ‘boyfriend’ in this piece.

    I know the continuing story can get complicated to follow. The haibuns and Alastairs Photo Fiction pieces are not series. 🙂

    Thanks for visiting.

    • I’ve climbed Mt. Haleakalā too – that’s what inspired this write! Glad you liked ‘George’. I find the serialised Flash Fictions hard to follow too.

  2. Editing from 159 to 82 is no mean achievement, virtually halving it. I understood it when I read your response above, and I understand her sentiments too!

    • Thanks Sandra – glad that it made sense to you, I have clearly suffered an over edit and taken too much of the introduction out and it all got a bit jumbled.

  3. Thanks for the comments and crits I will address it later when back on pc. I think it was down to the massive over edit but I can change the order to make it easier to follow. Glad some could understand it. Was tired and forcing myself to submit something this morning. Can no longer use the excuse that I’m new to flash fiction.
    Thanks for the crit and advice too. Useful. Reply to you all properly later!

  4. haha, i used to try to avoid the mush too… then i realized i can’t really beat ’em so i might as well join them lol well, good for Nancy, it’s good to be independence is good even when one is in a relationship 🙂

  5. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: Night Travels | Alastair's Blog

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