Tag Archives: depression

Approaching the New Year: Reviewing Resolutions, Truth and Rainbows

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Approaching The New Year

I have had a play around in Blogland and managed to actually visit and read other blogs and as one would expect at this time of year they are all filled to the brim with shiny new hope and goal setting.

As a trained Life Coach I know about this field and how to succeed. I don’t make resolutions, I make plans. Then I chase my way through all the obstacles to victory or a soothing acceptance somewhere close by.

I had a trawl through our own archives here and found some GEMS that I will link you up to, recommended reading for sure. As a blogger, I have been carrying the thought of my New Year message since Christmas, when as you remember I was offline and absorbing the full 3D reality of life in the big, wide world.

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Reviewing Resolutions

ARCHIVED NEW YEAR / GOAL SETTING LINKS

https://awritersfountain.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/new-year-new-you-writing-resolutions/

It seems last year I did make resolutions, the best thing about this post  ^ is knowing the results 12 months later;

Here are my resolutions – feel free to commit some of your own down in response to this post.

I am working towards a collection of poems for a pamphlet. I sent 2 manuscripts, both were rejected but one showed promise and I continue to make this my personal project of 2015. The process has opened up a whole new world. I had the wardrobe, now I have to find my way around Narnia!

I am starting work as an Assistant Writer with hope of having a position as a Lead Writer in 2015. I am coming up to 12 months as an Assistant Writer for WWM and have also been 1 of 3 writers picked as mentors for a term.

I am going to have a big presence on the Performance Circuit in the hope of being booked for guest spots by the end of the year. I managed 107 events, some were open mics, other were gallery openings, art projects, festivals, commissions, collaborations, everyone of them was a delight! I performed alongside many amazing people and have just had my 2nd Headline/ Main guest booking!

I will submit poetry for publication. I did! Some was published, others rejected, all were new writing fresh from my pen.

I will write some short stories for competitions. I did, I have shelved this as I was not particularly successful in this field although I corresponded with some incredible people and had a few close misses. However, posts I wrote back in 2013 about writing short stories are still top of the stats several years later.

https://awritersfountain.wordpress.com/2013/09/01/writing-short-stories-tips-on-planning-and-structure/

 

https://awritersfountain.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/putting-the-stones-in-first/

 

Truth

I spent the holidays reading a rather large book which was an emotional mountain for me, reaching the peak took several attempts and I needed to find more strength to finish the final chapters. It was far from an easy read (and yet still enjoyable) it is the kind of book I have always imagined writing, the sort of book that I didn’t believe existed, the sort of book I have needed to read for years, but wouldn’t have been strong enough or open enough before now (and it was still being written) there in the final pages I found shining out at me ,a New Year message.

The book is Black Rainbow by Rachel Kelly http://www.blackrainbow.org.uk/

I recommend it for any families with depression sufferers, as someone suffering it might be a monumental challenge but a worthwhile one.

I accepted help in 2012 and have been on medication (and other treatment) ever since, I spent the first 3-4 years trying to self help, medicate naturally and hid it from myself and others. I was diagnosed as high functioning but had slam-dunked the Beck Test, severe depression. It is something that affects lots of creative minds.

Part of my healing came from reading and later writing (journaling emotions initially) and eventually writing again after a 15 year break and finally entering back into the world of Poetry, all of which supports me in my day to day living.

I acknowledge that I attacked 2014 on the LIVE circuit with a vigour that was only possible to maintain through mania and that I myself need to calmly tread into 2015, stay behind the desk a little more, get things done, write my own rainbows. I’ve started, I am 90k into a manuscript that is still growing and assembling some shape,  finding that there are books out there written by people who have lived it, that work to lift your head to a different space is exhilarating and I will definitely pursue my own version of such a record, more books like this are needed.

Having said that, the diary for January is already filling up and brimming with a few exciting new ventures. More on that later.

Rainbows

Look out for my post on Rainbows COMING SOON!

Until then, spend some time considering what you want to discover in this new year. Look around you, be a part of that.

me MM

Dream big & keep writing

 

ADDITIONAL LINKS

About one in 10 people, possibly more, in the UK will experience depression during their lifetime. However, the exact number is hard to estimate because many people do not get help, or are not formally diagnosed with the condition. When sadness and other symptoms of depression are intense and last for long periods of time, they can signal clinical depression or major depression, a serious medical illness that needs professional care.

SOURCE: http://www.webmd.boots.com/depression/default.htm boots_webmd_logo

Low Mood and Depression Audio NHS

Black Dog – A Wonderful Advert: World Health Organization

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We do not talk about our black dogs – these are the kind of pets that society doesn’t accept easily, it is easy to feel alone. You feel like you are the only one on the planet with a black dog, but they breed widely.

This is an amazing awareness video from the World Health Organization and timely viewing, speaking with my doctor yesterday he said if more people could recognise the trigger he could help recovery quicker. It is hard to know sometimes though…. What I thought mine was wasn’t really it in the end.
Watching this this reminded me of how it used to feel 2 years ago, how I felt. It is incredible how far I have come. I want to thank my Black Dog though, because without him my life wouldn’t have changed beyond recognition, it was from my mood journals, gratitude journals and depression diaries that the writer in me re-emerged.
I am grateful – because I know rock bottom and I realise the only way from there is UP!

FWF – Free Write Friday – Pivotal Moment – The Other Side of Black is White

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free-write-friday-kellie-elmore This week’s FWF by Guest host Kelley Rose asks a deeply profound question;

What I would like to know, your prompt for the day, is what was that pivotal moment for you, and most importantly, how did it change you?

Click the FWF banner to find out more and read other bloggers answers to this prompt.

 

Pivotal Moment – The Other Side of Black is White

For many years I suffered depression, undiagnosed and battling through life everyday was a struggle. There were many outside influences which caused my anxiety and stress, they were all situations that I felt caught in and I couldn’t see how I could change my life for the better. Despite friends, family and Mr G telling me exactly what I should do to overcome this darkness.

exit Life was definitely no fun anymore and some nights I would fall asleep with the wish that I would not wake up again. (Fortunately the universe didn’t listen!) In early 2012, I found myself at breaking point and sought medical support.

There is a test that Doctors use to calculate the level of depression. I scored so highly on the test that I only dropped a couple of points off the maximum. If a job’s worth doing – it’s worth doing well. It was no wonder that despite trying self-help I had got nowhere. Medication was prescribed and I was signed off from work.

Hello rock bottom.

Which I am still not strong enough to write about and I believe the pivotal prompt is more about sharing the shine than the darkness.

Needless to say this dark passage, the longest journey I have ever been on – had a domino effect on my life, which at the time was not a positive collapse of all I knew. I ended up back at work – before I was well enough to cope – this led to reduced hours and many problems that I didn’t feel it was fair I was facing (disability act and all that), I could no longer afford my apartment on half a salary, I stood to lose my home (not something that is going to spur a depressed person onto happier places!) I had no spare cash so couldn’t have gone out much even if I had wanted to – which I didn’t. I have only recently (early summer) this year found the pleasure in socialising again. It is a long, hard process and one that still requires a lot of action on my part and intervention.

But from the depths of this dark journey I found buried treasure. Parts of myself supressed for years.

When I was very ill there is little I could do, I didn’t leave the bed. But I took something there. My books. photo_9658_landscape_large  For the first time in years I had time to read and the pages enabled me to escape into worlds where I didn’t have to confront what was happening to me or around me. I rediscovered my love of the written word.

A year later, I was writing! Something I hadn’t done for over six years (and I used to be a published poet, performance writer and freelance writer), at first it was a depression diary, then a journal and eventually real work. Stories and poems.

I started this blog because of it – and the list of what I have gained from having the blog and the wordpress community is endless.

Mr G and I also bought our house together. Moving in early summer this year. Another hugely pivotal and positive event.

I have had a poem published and I am back on the performance poetry circuit.

I am alive.

Most importantly I know I have the strength to survive anything. There is another side – and I will come out on top in the end. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I DESERVE GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN!

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It is only from this pain that we learn to survive. From knowing we can survive we harness hope. That peace of mind stays with you no matter what colour your day is. No matter what happens. We know. There is another chance. That change will come, but it will bring opportunity. That I am not the same person that I was two years ago or even two days ago. That growth is life and growing pains can last beyond adolescence. That this is what life is.

Knowing the other side of black is white – that light can be found in the depths of darkness carries me on. Life is for living and sometimes that’s hard. But keep breathing because your next breath may offer you a pivotal moment of your own.

 

 

Silf Gives Self – Margaret Silf Seminar

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Silf Gives Self

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A long time ago now – way back in September I went on a Seminar Day facilitated by Margaret Silf – author of ‘The Other Side of Chaos’. It was one of those events that I was torn between going and not. I knew the Literature Festival was the following week and money spent on this day (although a bargain) equated to 2 shows, or several book purchases. I also knew how much her book had helped me and how the edges of my darkness are still tinged grey. Besides which my mum had invited me and it was one of those ‘meant to happen, meant to be’ moments life throws at you.

 

I was delighted I had said yes (not so much at 8:30 a.m on Saturday when I awoke with a bit of a Friday night head after having friends over, nor an hour later, eating the rest of my breakfast in the car.) But within the first half hour of Margaret’s talk, I knew it was right to be there. 1 med g

It was a great day and she gave us plenty of time to go off and meditate, think about the questions she had posed, or notes we’d taken.

I also met some new people and this in itself led to new opportunity possibly in the future.

I scribbled pages of notes in my writing notebook (the little one) and was touched by the light fingers of inspiration lots, poetry ideas entered my head one after another. I felt like a vessel muse was pouring into.

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Margaret was magical, almost Hawaiian in her laid back attitude and soft speaking. She covered so much in such a short amount of time and felt she could go on and we wished she could also.

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I cannot wait to start working through the notebook, I think I will try it as the first part of my NaNoWriMo project. I feel I may rebel again (as I did in the Summer Camp) and write my words across a range of projects.

 

 

 

 

En route home we popped in to my brother and his fiancé in their new house. It was lovely to see them again and hear all about their wedding plans and see the newly decorated rooms. Gave me food for thought for our home. (Not yet started the decorating!) A lovely way to spend a Saturday, I was left on quite a spiritual high.

 

Good for the Soul!