Yesterday I found out a friend had committed suicide. Much as I want to write the feelings of my silent heart out, I am unable to. The universe stepped in and my blog roll threw me this post written a long time ago.

Keep breathing & keep the light.

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This week’s FWF by Guest host Kelley Rose asks a deeply profound question;

What I would like to know, your prompt for the day, is what was that pivotal moment for you, and most importantly, how did it change you?

Click the FWF banner to find out more and read other bloggers answers to this prompt.

Pivotal Moment – The Other Side of Black is White

For many years I suffered depression, undiagnosed and battling through life everyday was a struggle. There were many outside influences which caused my anxiety and stress, they were all situations that I felt caught in and I couldn’t see how I could change my life for the better. Despite friends, family and Mr G telling me exactly what I should do to overcome this darkness.

Life was definitely no fun anymore and some nights I would fall asleep with the wish that I would not wake up…

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man standing on brown rock cliff in front of waterfalls photography

Photo by Oliver Sjöström on Pexels.com

I have not been online much since October when I had an unexpected operation. I have been off work and not able to sit for long periods at the desk. With over 26 tablets a day it has been hard to focus or concentrate.

I am currently working on my next pamphlet which was accepted by V. Press last summer. The latest edits came through in October just before I found myself in hospital so I have been unable to keep up with the schedule. I have also had to pull out of every artistic event/gig/festival since the Autumn too. My last performance was National Poetry Day.

It has been a difficult enforced hiatus and I feel very disconnected.

I had to disconnect myself from social media on the phone as I couldn’t deal emotionally with reading about a world I couldn’t manage to be a part of.

Now it is the New Year and I am growing in health and strength. I have a festival event to organise, poetry from workshops in 2018 to display, a manuscript to work on and I took the role of a Director of Worcester LitFest back in the Autumn, a role which hopefully by next month I can actually manage.

I missed the Lit Festival in Voiron but from my WPL project there have been poets not known before to the community who are very much involved in the Twinning now. I will have the opportunity to meet them this Spring before (hopefully) going to the festival this year. I won a poetry competition I entered in September and Sarah Leavesley wrote an article for Poetry News (Poetry Society) about Two Cities (ATOTC – A Tale of Two Cities). The USA side of the project also had a reading in September.

So thank you for visiting the Fountain and splashing in all the archived posts. My STATS for 2018 were healthy (the best year yet). Each year the blocks tower upwards with the exception of my Poet Laureate year when I ran a second site.

I promise to work on updating pages and adding new material this year. But my first port of call is that manuscript!