A NEW YEAR Message ~ inspired by ‘black rainbow’ Rachel Kelly

Link to the original part of this message: Approaching the New Year Truth and Rainbows

NEW YEAR MESSAGE

Over Christmas I read an amazing book by Rachel Kelly. I sent Rachel an email this week requesting permission to use part of Chapter 15 to base this post on, I was delighted when I received a reply the same day! Thanks for your kind permission Rachel and heart-warming email.

I had been thinking about my NEW YEAR blog message, when I read this chapter these pages jumped out (page 275-278). Sections of the book are shown in this

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2015 and You

In Chapter 15 of Black Rainbow, Rachel writes about a book group she started in her neighbourhood, they were all trying to help each other beat depression, the difference with this book club was they reviewed self-help books. Rachel herself worked through some of her depression by rekindling her love for poetry and sometimes prayers. It was this factor that encouraged my mum to recommend this book to me, that was my connection. Only in my own battle against illness I rediscovered writing poetry.

I spent the first 3 years of depression fighting it (something all suffers know is futile), I self- medicated; devoured self-help books, my whole library lending list was full of them, I read every single relevant title in my local library as well as stocking my own shelves at home (eat your heart out Bridgette Jones), I tried meditation, both in audio form and prayer/meditations, I tried pilates, yoga, t’ai chi, visualisation, mood boards, life coaching (I am trained myself and know how important it is to see a coach from time to time) – I was stuck – nothing worked because I was severely depressed in need of help, therapy and medication.

I agree that the list of things above can enhance healing experience, in fact my own experience of psychotherapy last year worked wonders and my sub-conscious still has the power to drag me back before I fall too far. We arm ourselves as best we can with a whole stock cupboard of counter balances, do our best to protect ourselves from the darkness, despite knowing that if and when it hits we just have to live with it, let it do its worse and rebuild afterwards. Become as resilient as nature. The plant may well look dead, but you keep watering it and you will be amazed by what happens.

So let’s start our New Year arming ourselves with tools, create the change we want to see happen. Only you have that power.

Tools for creating change

Let’s start with a prayer Rachel pinned to her noticeboard, read it, let the words sink in. If you are not religious, see it as spirit talk, being a better human being, mankind;

Lord, help me to notice all the signs of goodness

around me and give thanks for them.

Lord, we are each other’s gifts: help me to be thankful for

every life-giving encounter and to see that your gifts

are all around me if only I would look.

In gratitude I will find healing. 

Gratitude Journals

I have posted about (and written) gratitude journals over the years, if this is something you want to do or need to do to spot the good and take notice, now is the time to start one. Do it for January, dip in daily/weekly/monthly. I used to make a note of 3-5 gratitudes a day.

I chose a small, pretty notebook, tied with a purple ribbon and kept it next to my bed, I used to reflect on a short list just before going to sleep.

The more you take notice, the more you will see.

 

Print the Prayer

Do what Rachel did, print it out, stick it on your noticeboard, notice it.

 

Meditate

Use the prayer. Read it aloud and then ponder on what it says, what is good around you, what signs of goodness do you see and hear today? Give thanks for them. Literally… ‘Thank you for ……’

Think about your own gifts, what do you give to people? Who have you encountered that you felt blessed by or antagonistic towards – not all signs are sent sugar-coated, sometimes there is a different kind of obstacle to overcome to create change.

What of God’s gifts or the universe’s gifts/ mother nature… what are you missing? Open your eyes (you know you have 3)!

Finally repeat the endlines as a mantra until you believe that healing is possible.

In gratitude I will find healing. 

 

I persuaded the group that we should each bring along favourite poem to the next session. I brought my faithful Herbert poem ‘The Flower’, with its message of rebirth. A friend brought this poem entitled ‘Instants’, its author unknown:

It was actually written by Jorge Luis Borges, however the versions I have found are slightly different in wording to the poem seen by the group (I imagine this is a translation issue). The wording here is referenced from ‘black rainbow’ and appears as it does in the text apart from the fact the poem is one stanza, WordPress and I have some formatting issues!

Instants

If I could live my life again,
In the next I would try to make more mistakes,
I wouldn’t try to be so perfect, I would be more relaxed,
I’ll be more full – than I am now,
 I’d be sillier than I have been this time around,
 In fact, I’d take very few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic, I would take more risks, 
I would take more trips,
I would watch more sunsets,
I would climb more mountains,
I would swim more rivers,
I would go to more places that I’ve never been,
I would eat more ice creams and fewer lima beans,
I would have more real problems and fewer imaginary
ones.
I was one of those people who lived prudent and prolific lives –
each minute of his life.
Of course I had moments of joy, but,
if I could go back I would try to have only good moments,

After all, moments are what life is made of,
Don’t miss out on the now!

I was one of those people who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer,
without a hot-water bottle,
without an umberella and a parachute,

If I could live my life again I would travel light.
If I could live my life again I would walk bare foot
from the beginning of spring till
the end of autumn.
I would take more rides on merry-go-rounds, 
I would watch more sunrises and play with more children,
If I had the life to live. But now as you see, I am eighty-five,
– and I know that I am dying .

WOW! At this point I probably needn’t type anymore, right? I mean it has all been said. This poem made me feel invincible. Read it again. We all agree. Old age is after all a place (hopefully) we are inevitably heading towards, this was another reason I was so angry about being debilitated by depression in my 30s. That time when we should be jumping out of planes and climbing mountains on the other side of the world.

We weren’t eighty-five and we weren’t dying. The time had come to watch more sunrises and play with more children, to shout with joy and swim more rivers.

We spent time at the group making our own lists inspired by ‘Instants’… ‘Let’s boost our sense of delight.’ We made logs of the past year and recorded what we had most enjoyed doing and what we hadn’t enjoyed too.

 

Write your list

Rewrite the poem from your own perspective, what would you care less about or strive to do more? Maybe you can make these part of 2015 and not wait until you are eighty-five. Make your wishes reality.

Or copy what the group did and create your own log from 2014.

Find the pursuit that allows you to be your most creative self. Go with the flow.

The chapter closes with a letter written by Sir Sydney Smith in 1820 which Rachel was sent. It parallels with her own guidelines for dealing with low spirits… apart from his advice to avoid poetry. I would say BATHE IN IT!

Thanks again Rachel for writing the book in the first place and for allowing me to reference sections here

ADVICE CONCERNING LOW SPIRITS

A letter from Sydney Smith to Lady Georgiana Morpeth, Feb. 16, 1820:

Dear Lady Georgiana,– Nobody has suffered more from low spirits than I have done — so I feel for you. 1st. Live as well as you dare. 2nd. Go into the shower-bath with a small quantity of water at a temperature low enough to give you a slight sensation of cold, 75° or 80°. 3rd. Amusing books. 4th. Short views of human life — not further than dinner or tea. 5th. Be as busy as you can. 6th. See as much as you can of those friends who respect and like you. 7th. And of those acquaintances who amuse you. 8th. Make no secret of low spirits to your friends, but talk of them freely — they are always worse for dignified concealment. 9th. Attend to the effects tea and coffee produce upon you. 10th. Compare your lot with that of other people. 11th. Don’t expect too much from human life — a sorry business at the best. 12th. Avoid poetry, dramatic representations (except comedy), music, serious novels, melancholy, sentimental people, and everything likely to excite feeling or emotion, not ending in active benevolence. 13th. Do good, and endeavour to please everybody of every degree. 14th. Be as much as you can in the open air without fatigue. 15th. Make the room where you commonly sit, gay and pleasant. 16th. Struggle by little and little against idleness. 17th. Don’t be too severe upon yourself, or underrate yourself, but do yourself justice. 18th. Keep good blazing fires. 19th. Be firm and constant in the exercise of rational religion. 20th. Believe me, dear Lady Georgiana,
Very truly yours,
Sydney Smith

 

Despite constant advances since the 1820s, much of this advice is still relevant and helpful, some more so.

 

Let’s finish with a reminder that life is precious, we are heading forwards – let’s make it worthwhile. Spend some of your time with those staying young at heart.

 

 

 

 

In return for the permission to use part of Chapter 15, here are some links to Rachel’s website, go and BUY her book on Amazon or download the app.

‘I would love to get the book into the hands of those who need it and all my author proceeds go to mental health charities.’  – Rachel Kelly  www.black-rainbow.co.uk

Rachel Kelly is a writer and former journalist on The Times. Her memoir Black Rainbow was published by Hodder & Stoughton in April 2014 and won the Spear’s Best First Book Award in October 2014.

http://bit.ly/BlackRainbowOnAmazon

http://bit.ly/BlackRainbowApp

All author proceeds from the sale of this book go to the charities SANE and United Response.

Slipping on the Poetry Skin – A Day of Writing

At last, a writing day, slipping on my poetry skin!

Work is always slow to pick up at the beginning of the term and my PPA Music job was cancelled (an hour or so before I was due to start on Tuesday). This could be a blessing in disguise for many reasons, but I found it rather irritating as the garage really needed to keep my car and check the rear brakes and it would have been ready for 1pm. I collected it Monday night instead as I needed it sooner for work!

Basically if my car had started (had to replace battery) on Monday, then I would have worked all day, it would have created about 3 hours writing time, which I actually spent visiting relatives, shopping and delivering a thank you parcel to my neighbour who had helped me with my car.

Tuesday by the time I found work was cancelled I was already into a scheduled day full of tasks and things that had to be done before Midday. I fancied the idea of writing but that is not what happened. I had to tutor and go straight to the Poetry Lounge in Ludlow, so the spare hour or so before this was spent sorting my set as I was one of the Guest poets.

Wednesday rolled around- I was still up in the small hours, pumped with adrenalin after a night in Ludlow, I even watched a film?! So in the morning I woke early, ‘on call’ and knew I needed more sleep… which I managed, waking up to the phone sometime after 10 a.m – finally the office called with work. So the writing I’d decided to do got shelved as I had less than 2 hours from bed to car to work. An hour to get up and an hour to route find and Streetview, really need to get my SATNAV working!

Maybe I would write in the evening. Well, I won’t go into too much detail, the work was fine, lovely in fact… the lanes were unmarked and I needed a helicopter to find the village. It was already a 40mile round trip. I spent an extra hour driving around, up and down the same 5 mile stretch trying to find my turn. In the end after maps, calls and phone apps. I did the terribly old fashioned thing of parking up and popping into the Post Office (I was in a neighbouring village, according to all the gadgetry about 1.8 miles away)! Instructions were clear and simple, 3 right turns and I was there.

Fortunately I arrived in time but flustered after an hour and a half in the car. I got home in 40 minutes but was so tired I just needed the settee and TV. I had a bite to eat and fell asleep. Waking up shortly before 11pm.

When I finally went to bed in the early hours, I prayed I wouldn’t get a work call. Prayers answered, I’ve started on the chores and written a list of writing tasks and things to do before tutoring later and then I am off out to perform at the New Year SpeakEasy.

I had planned to just go and watch, catch up with friends after missing the Christmas event due to ill health, then I got an email asking to perform, which I am more than happy to do, so no night off for me!

Last year I was far more disciplined and organised about the writing time. I feel an analogy coming on; Last year I was like an Olympic swimmer in training, early mornings, hours in training, fitting the pool (writing) into every spare minute.

Whereas 2015 sees me turning up at the Gym by late morning, having a relax in the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi, before walking down steps into the shallow end and gently gliding off with a breast stroke (or maybe a hotel pool with an inflatable and a cocktail). It is meant to be this way, for a few weeks at least.

I am working on submissions this morning, catching up with emails, contacting all the poets in my team for next week’s Mouth and Music Spark Off, finally emailing some much needed poetry to some very important people, submitting workshop poems for publication on websites and taking up a very kind offer from a poet I greatly admire to make one of my poems shine!

I am also writing some new material, seeking out opportunities and checking bits of pre-Christmas admin as well as organising a poem for Stanza (tomorrow) and desperately trying to write my New Year Message post (before mid-January arrives)!

Better get some coffee and get on it!

Happy Writing

First Gig of the Year – Guest Poet at The Poetry Lounge

 I booked a spot for The Poetry Lounge before Christmas and was looking forward to the first gig of the year, the Guest Poets were Bert Flitcroft and Nadia Kingsley, I enjoy reading and listening to both these poets.

Then the first miracle of 2015 happened! Jean Atkin asked me to Guest Poet as Nadia was ill (she is going to have her Guest Spot in a few months time, catch her in July), hope you feel better soon Nadia and thanks once again Jean for the opportunity.

This is my 2nd Guest Poet slot and I loved it. I wish I had rehearsed and prepared more but with work and tutoring had little time to extend my set with preparation.

I think I chose a good selection of poems and entertained the crowd. It was lovely chatting to people and receiving positive and personal feedback on poems that had resonated with them.

It wasn’t easy to follow Gaia Harper, an incredibly talented young poet who should definitely run for Shropshire’s next Young Poet Laureate (16th January deadline, I think), she will have the best of luck in the future and is a name to watch out for. Her love of language and words was obvious and her delivery was confident and self assured – and I had to follow that with my books brimming with post-its!

I always enjoy these nights in Ludlow, the atmosphere is always soothing and friendly. It was great to see people again, all ready for a new year of Poetry.

Excellent open mic-ers; Steve Harrison, Gaia Harper, Robert Harper, Graham Attenborough, Steve Griffiths, Deborah Alma, Bethany Rivers and David Harley. I particularly enjoyed hearing Deborah sharing her own poetry with us. She is famous in her Emergency Poet role, and it’s well worth a visit for her special poetry treatments, she is an equally a brilliant writer and I felt privileged to hear her set.

‘A wonderful, warm, funny, transporting Poetry Lounge in The Sitting Room. Thank you wonderful guest poets Nina Lewis (fantastic rant about her car tax Incident) and Bert Flitcroft – we kept recognising ourselves Bert  and great reads from all our open mic slots, with special mention for the astonishing Gaia Harper  who was just fab. Great to hear Deborah Alma read, she should do it more often… Thank you everyone!’

– Jean Atkin