Freelancers & Dreamers – The Importance of Glancing Back …. is the only way you will KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
- It is all too easy to give up,
- to inflict criticism on the thoughts in your mind (Gremlins, I have posted about them before),
- to feel that you are not doing enough or that you haven’t gone far enough
- to get all negative and feel like a failure…
This is easy – what takes a bit of effort is turning it around – so TURN AROUND YOURSELF, have a glance back down the road you have trodden, if you keep a blog or diary this is simple, if not it may take a bit of sitting down with your eyes closed and rose-tinted glasses firmly on the table beside you, but it is a really important activity SO DO IT!
I slipped back to January 2013, when I started the blog and had a speed read of life back then, and although I hardly mentioned it, because at the time the focus of the blog was just the writing journey (now I have realised bloggers put a little of themselves on the page too), I could pick out the barriers I faced (and I know how I overcame them too) – it is like reading your own greatest adventure story and believe me it is easy to forget lots of the obstacles that stood in your way. (Especially if like me, you have trained yourself not to look back, the past is the past etc.)
So this time last year I was still bound to unsuitable employment and despite cutting 50% of my hours I was still highly stressed and under bountiful amounts of pressure. One week my writing time totalled less than 10 hours, that week I felt LOUSY!
The balance I wanted was to tip more in favour of writing – it is bound to take time to let go of something you have done, someone you have become over a decade and a half, but it is happening. I spend everyday (even those I work) thinking about writing and each evening after work there is a writing focus of some sort, whether just for minutes or hours. I also have plenty of evening events I attend after work and daytime events instead of work… in the past I would NEVER have had the energy to work and then be involved in this creative world.
At first it felt very either or – if I worked – I rested either the writer or the teacher. Now they morph a little more fluidly.
When I work I am truly focused as I always was – and get 5 star gold reviews from everywhere – lovely! It is easy to switch it on for a day or two or even a whole week, the joy is switching it off again as soon as I reach my car, that’s it – no attachment – my emotions belong to me – no politics, ongoing assessment, marking, worry, preparation, panic, target setting, reports, planning, conversation, research, resourcing – all done – all gone – my time is my own and it belongs to the writer.
The writer then chooses whether now fits her natural rhythm or not – there is little point otherwise – it won’t be forced. I have learnt this. But the writer also likes to read and watch and research, so there is always some part she can play before bedtime. Both work and writing tick the boxes and make me feel good about myself and life now – and already the balance is in favour of the pen (and not the marking one!) which is brilliant!
It is easy to forget the rocks you moved on the road you travelled, the tired feet you soothed and the amount of rest you were unable to take as you moved forwards on someone else’s agenda, marching to their beat and rhythm which was not symbiotic to your own.