Friday Fictioneers – Karma

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Copyright - Roger Bultot

Copyright – Roger Bultot

‘Without the storm, you would not have known.’ … ’Without the storm the rest of your future would be different.’

Sandy tried to drill these positive mantras every morning, as he brushed his teeth and avoided looking at his jaded reflection in the mirror. He couldn’t stop the nagging thought. If it wasn’t for that storm, you would still have Lara.

Sandy found it almost impossible to recall any clues from before that night, he had no idea. No reason to suspect. There it was, the lover’s car, trapped in front of their house. Every branch telling its own story.

My entry to this week’s Friday Fictioneers friday-fictioneers

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AWF Monthly Last week Doug posted about how we respond to each other on the Friday Fictioneers, you can find the post  here

– I suggested using an icon on our posts to clearly identify if we wanted an open crit or not.

This week Jen has added a scalpel to her blog (I was only joking about the knife ;)) with a post that explains the whole thing better than I can at 2a.m.

If you write flashes for ROCHELLE’S challenge and you are open to the opinion of others and feel you could benefit as a writer from advice given then I encourage you to COPY this image. scalpel (I have linked the image back to Jen’s blog and the post which explains what’s going on)

Add this image each week to your Friday Fictioneers post -it will become an internationally acknowledged symbol amongst us for… read and reply honestly without fear of a cyber back lash or loss of followers.

Copy yours – Jen assures us it is copyright free and sourced from Wikimedia commons*. Go ahead, spread the word. 🙂

* Here’s another great source for copyright images.

60 responses »

  1. Dear Neens,

    This one took me a while to sort out, in part because Sandy could be a male or a female’s name. Did you name him after the storm? I enjoyed it once I got all my neurons firing. Good job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • I wondered about that as I wrote it – I know both male and females called Sandy – I wish I could claim that I had named him after hurricane Sandy – possibly on a self conscious level.
      Glad you understood where it was going in the end. I get overwhelmed by ideas and am still learning the craft of the flash – I like to leave the readers something to use their own minds with – but it is a fine balance between achieving this objective and creating complete confusion.

    • And he is living with the fact that he knows. Or at least he is trying to. I envisaged this rather like real life. In as far as catastrophic things happen and everything changes. Sometimes you had a part to play in that and sometimes you didn’t. But it is always a long time after before we realise why we were involved with that. What came out of that situation. Good or bad. What we see along the way gives us insight to what we think and the way we see things… It never reveals why. I think that’s a question Sandy asks a million times a day!

    • Thanks kz. I appreciate that. So happy this chance line made it to the final cut. It appeared after the final cut when I had just 6 words left and thought what could they be?

    • Thanks Kim. I wrote my entry in a bit of a hurry so didn’t get as far as looking at the plates. The story was already popping away in my head as I set up the blog post though. Glad it worked for you.

  2. You provoke questions Neens and this is what we all strive to do. The mystery of the lovers, the revelation and the beautiful final line all combine to draw me in as reader, an excellent piece.

    • Thanks for such kind words. I am glad that you appreciated the questions you were left with. I think good writing allows the reader to decide, to engage to become involved. Or at least I have read articles which suggest that makes good writing. Once again in awe how strong that endline has hit the reader. Especially as it was a last minute flicker of a thought. A final flash of inspiration!

  3. I love the last line, “Every branch telling its own story.”

    The only thing I would change is the word “lovers” to “lover’s” in the penultimate sentence.

    Well done!

  4. I wasn’t sure I’d understood this the first time I read it, but your subsequent punctuation amendment clarified it for me. A great take on the prompt. Well done.

  5. Dear Neens,

    Ironically, the photo really is from Hurricane Sandy’s aftermath. I have a cousin Sandy, short for Sanford so the name didn’t confuse me.

    I guess the lover knows the truth of the statement, “Be sure your sin will find you out.” Good one.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  6. The last line was perfect and I enjoyed the concept of how one moment can completely change your life. I have to say at the beginning I assumed Sandy was a woman not a man.

    • Thanks Ron, I spent a few hours (a whole morning/afternoon) reading FF flashes yesterday and came across many similar plots and one identical. So I am glad you went a different way. It is amazing to find all the variations people create around a prompt each week!
      I like your lesson.
      I guess the one thing we all missed (those using this plot) is that the lover (in reality) would never park up right in front of the house…
      still fictional works. Tick 😉

  7. It always amazes me how many different storylines we FF’s come up with each week. The same image sets us off in all directions and it’s a great feeling when a story just pops into your head.
    I liked the way you worked this out and I felt sorry for Sandy,he had no idea of the affair before the storm, so as well as loss, he is dealing with thoughts of infidelity too
    Well done
    Dee

  8. This was one of my favorite stories this week. I loved it. I felt every word you wrote. You emoted very well. I don’t know if you did any research on the photo, and I don’t care. I’m just happy that your story was fantastic. Loved it my darling. Kudos to you.

    Love, Renee

    • Wow! Thank you, happy to be one of your favourite stories this week – wow.
      I am glad you connected to the writing in this way.
      I did not research on the picture – all just an accidental connection!
      Thanks for your kind words Renee.

      • My darling you are doing it right then. You weaved a story from a photo and that’s not an easy task. But to have it be on the subject of Hurricane Sandy is really something special. Good for you. As I said in my original comment, great job. 🙂

  9. What is it about trees crushing cars that brings out thoughts of infidelity and just desserts? (Björn and I went along similar lines to you.) Your writing made me feel sorry for Sandy and his lack of insight.
    (Thanks for the scalpel info too. 🙂 )

  10. Mine was called Karma also this week, but yours is much better. I love it when I have questions in the end. Good story. 🙂

  11. You packed a tight punch in that little tale…leaving us wanting to know the tale of every branch.

    Thanks for visiting ‘Lethe’ I’m a tad behind on replies’ Seems once I catch up my mail box fills up again.

    • I know how that feels – mailbox- after treating myself to a few days offline – I am so far behind! Haven’t even made it to the real inbox yet at all!
      Glad you enjoyed this flash – the strength of that last line is we know there’s more… but the story has to happen in our heads from thereon.

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